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Saturday, October 25, 2014

If death would of made a appointment, I may have been more prepared.....

I have not blogged in a long time but I need to talk….
In 2011, I meet a wonderful man name Mike. He blessed me with his love, his fails, his wins, his growth, his strength, weakness and his smile. He had no children but loved mine as if they were his own. He protected me and I protected him, WE PROTECTED each other. Like any relationships we had our up and downs. No matter what we worked through them and loved remained.
We were able to travel with my job to a few places in Michigan. Mike was my roadie and only driver to and from my work training, also was VERY supportive of my work and was a huge breastfeeding advocate. He said when we got together he truly begin to see and understand the importance of my job as a WIC Breastfeeding Specialist. For leisure when time permitted we would get away to various cites with in 6-8 hrs drive of Michigan. However the ultimate trip and my favorite was the Bahamas! He told me it was a blessing to be able to go to another county with me, and I told him the blessing was mine to be with him. I almost didn’t think the trip would happen the way he fussed about the budget. Mike always thought ahead! We had even started planning our wedding. We found information about being married in the Bahamas and it triggered the conversation. We both agreed we didnt want to be married in the Bahamas, as we wanted to be with friends and family on our special day.  That conversation continued after the Bahamas as well. He told my son, next year we were gonna be married. That thought bring me tears. In my heart I feel like I lost my husband and just my man. However I can only smile as I look over a GLIDE video of him saying he was so thankful he came cause he could be doing nothing in the city and he would missed out on that life changing moment.
Fortunately for me I have over 200 plus GLIDE video conversations, the good the bad and the ugly with Mike. I have since saved them all to a removable sd card. They are so precious to me. To not just have pictures and have animated moments saved of a loved one is more than I could ever ask! My fondest memories are of him and my toddler Gliding me while I was out of town in West Virginia on a business trip for my job, showing me almost by the hour what they were doing. Keke and Mike were peas in a pod, best of buds! He loved her as if she was his own child.
August 4, 2014 will forever be burned in my heart, this was the day I lost my best friend, my man, my family, my protector, my love.  Mike was 32 when he shot to death as he tried to drive away on Detroit west side on Washburn at 8/Wyoming. He left our home around 11:45/50 pm and said “Ill be right back like I left something” kissed me told me he loved me as he always did whenever he left the house. He sat in the car listening to some music and smoked a cigarette. Then drove off. I went to sleep, knowing I would be woke up from his music in his truck as he pulled in the driveway. However there was no sound, no call, no nothing. He was pronounced dead at 12:30 am Aug 4, 2014.
Thinking back on the events of that day I wonder did he know he would be in something tragic. Im sure he didn’t think death. I just don’t know.  When we woke up that Sunday I had a overwhelming urge to make him one of his favorite dishes. Corn beef, cabbage, red skin potatoes, and cornbread. ( next to my famous nachos he would request 4 times a week this dish was his main one I would cook)  I know you may say why all the details but they every second that I was with him means something to me. I HAVE to remember every second he was with me because it all I have.  I make his plate and get his drink. He grab me and say,  ” do you know who how much I love you”, I tell him yes I know. He kisses me and then say the now most chilling thing I have heard, ” you know this is one of my favorite meals you make, and if I were to die today, this would be the meal I would want to eat”, I looked at him and playfully hit his arm fussing and being serious saying “why would you say that? don’t ever say that that!”. He saw it upset me and hugged me tight and said “dam baby im just playing, you know I aint going no where, I love yo ass” he kissed me and told me grab the salt. Thinking back on this conversation it made me replay conversations almost 2 months before he was killed. He would say little things like “you remember my password to FB, my ATM card, my online bank account, my Instagram, and do you remember how to unlock my cell?”. He would ask me this often the months before he was killed. I have ALWAYS had Mikes  passwords, we had EACH OTHERS passwords years ago, I NEVER used them as I never felt the need to go into his accounts. Mike was constantly saying that not matter what, of he would make sure me and my kids were good if something happen to him. None of these instances hit me until the moment it was confirmed he was dead.
I often wonder do GOD give you insight that your “time” is up soon and you begin to get things in place? Many a nights I have cried myself to sleep with that thought pounding in my head. Many of nights I cried and still sometimes do asking what could I have said that night to make him stay home. Many nights I have cried and still do asking myself what made you go on that street when you had not been over there for almost 2 months. What guided your steps to leaving me? WHY?WHY? Yes I digress and talk to him in the middle of thought… its been 2 months and I’m still looking for the peace of mind and letting go of yesterday and tucking Mike in heart and moving forward. I can say that lately I can look at his pictures, look at our GLIDE conversations, which I still struggle looking at and not break down in tears, as they are slowly turning into tears of joy, slowly.
I look forward to seeing a picture of Mike, or a GLIDE conversation with Mike, hearing his favorite song, hearing a saying he was famous for saying and just smile at the thought of what we had and not die again inside and crumble to tears. But when? What is the date on acceptance? What is the time frame on your heart being broke at love loss so suddenly so tragically?
I know Mike has passed but in MY heart its easier to say he is gone away for a few years and he will be back, and I need to be ready. I know that crazy, I promise I know that is crazy to think. I know he is gone and wont be back physically but I cant get that to stick in my heart. One thing I know without a doubt, is that I am blessed to have had all my friends near and far come together for me in a real way and keep me mentally grounded and held me with all my tears and those who were far gave me a listening ear and virtual hugs. Even my job came through in realest way but donating some of their PTO time in “bank” so that I was able to have the month of August off to focus. I still cry at the very thought of their generosity! Well that’s all I have to say, just felt the need to “talk” and share with my blog followers. If anyone reading this have suffered a loss similar to this, even a “peaceful” passing, feel free to commit, leave advice, and words of encouragement. I am actually looking for “loss support group” to attend. I have a few friends that have experienced a loss and have been very supportive and relate to what Im feeling. All I know is If death would have made a appointment I would of been more prepared…or not. #RIPMIKE #LoveYouToLife

Friday, January 27, 2012

These boots were made for walking the path I choose

*posted from my cell, there is no spell check I'm sorry*
We have already established I'm a pitful blogger. Bless my heart y'all, with my every 6 months post. I promise I'm working on it. So let me catch you up on what's been going on with me.
The Muffin (aka Milk Gangsta) turned 2yrs old on the 6th of this month and is still currently breastfeeding. She nurses at least 2x's at night.... 4x's a day during the work week and on demand on the weekends. Were still cloth diapering. She shows some interest in potty training so were moving foward at her pace. My goal is to have her in her favorite Dora panties before the summer. (Tips and Tricks are welcome PLEASE) :-) Oh and who has a toddler who just up and changed their sleep pattering...mine has started going bed every night around 1-130am. *oh hells nawl she didn't!* Can you say 1 step away from Nyquil dipped nips! Lol. Such is the life of a toddler.
I still work with new mommies at WIC helping them to start and maintain a breastfeeding relationship. *LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my job* Its a passion of mine to get our african american moms breastfeeding and helping to bring down our infant mortality rate. Oh, and since I love my job so, guess what?....its not work any more to me. How awesome is that!
Other extras in my life include my training as a labor doula. But I have been doing mostly postpartum doula. I enjoy going over my clients house and making them comfortable and relaxed. After having a baby, nothing feels more better coming home come to clean house, a few meals prepared and frozen, babies room organized, moms bedroom full of clean lines and to top it off a wonderful foot soak and pedicure.
As much as I love being a moms labor support, being oncall with a 2yr old is a bit trying. So I'm moving forward with postpartum work for new moms in my spare time.
I've also found and IBCLC & a midwifery course I will be starting with in the next few months.... Goals - IBCLC by 2013 (latest 2014).......Midwife Apprentice *fingers crossed* 2014 ......offically a Midwife in practice 2017-18.... :-)
So do you have your boots on?.. What have changed for you lately?..... New career, new baby, did you move, are a you WOHM turned SAHM, are you newly single and loving it? :-).
~Talk to Me, Ill Talk Back~

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Im a pitfully blogger (this I know)

So I'm going in the hall of shame for neglected blogs and I will accept my reward with my head held high. :) Alright so let me play catch up.

I went for my labor doula training with CAPPA this past November and it was AH-MAE-ZING... it really was. Meet some real nice ladies and the Kym Dalton (our trainer was spectacular!) Tons of information I didn't know and lots of note taking. Ive been to one birth already, done 2 postpartum visits, and I am currently on call for a birth. Helping moms thru labor, assisting with breastfeeding is very moving for me. Just being allowed to help a family with bringing life into the world ( and so much more) and then if they want help them with their breastfeeding relationship, is a honor. I'm looking forward to helping more moms over the years.

Muffin is still nursing and turns 2yrs old Jan 6 ( in about 10 days Ill have an official nursing toddler!) and then on the 10th I turn the big 38. That's totally a new blog post.

Potty training, um.... yea about that.....she is still cloth diapered, ( we still use the same exact ones I bought 12 months ago..not a leak yet, love my kawaii minkies) and tells me when she goes poo after the fact and when she goes pee. I catch her a few times a day and we make the potty but for the most part she not breaking her neck to the potty like I would like. We even have our special panties that we wear and she still add her special touch to them. *sigh* I think because I don't remember how potty training went with my last one (DD9) I'm kinda at a lost. Older kids (16.9 and my 19yr old) both of them were fully trained before they were 18 months. Basically I'm playing it by ear. I think by the summer we will be good to go. Her sitter is actively on board helping me with potty training as well to get it underway.

WIC is still the most wonderful job in the world to me. I LOVE with a fiery passion being able to assist my moms with breastfeeding and being of encouragement. I like that I was a formula feeder turned breastfeeder. Moms know that I can relate to almost all the issues they may have with breastfeeding. Many of my moms have the same misconceptions about breastfeeding (the babies bite the nipples while nursing, afraid someone one will think its "nasty" to breastfeed and flack from family) all those things I have been able to help moms past and keep them breastfeeding. So all is well.

Lastly, I am making plans to sit for the IBCLC in 2014. I'm following pathway 1 which is best suited for a WIC BF Peer, LLL leader, or BF volunteer type position. My goal is to service low-income minority moms who cant afford a IBCLC. Free services will be available to moms on a case by case bases. That is the vision. Another goal of mine is to be a midwife. Black babies have the highest infant mortality rate and I want to be apart of the process to bring that to a end. As you can see I'm going to be a busy bee over the years to come.

Until next time,

Saturday, August 20, 2011

One Way or the Other, You are Going to Take care your Kids

My childrens father have worked at the same resturant for some years now. Sometime ago I stop getting child support. I was under the impression he had stop working there. He was going thru some things (which I gave less than a real fuck about, cause as a single mama I go thru things all the time but I don't take a vacation and stop caring for my kids)… So I chaulked it up, and figured until he until he gets back to working child support will take it out again.

My friend went to eat where we thought he USE to work at and low and behold the bastard was there, cooking up a storm. She imm called me and told me. I called the friend of court, sat on hold 45min before even talking to someone, then they told me they still have the child support order in place, (translation, child support should have NEVER stopped) read back to me the name of the job on the order, stated they don't know why I haven't received anything, and said they would reissue the order again imm, and that the resturant had 45days to comply.

Friend of the court also let me know its ILLEGAL for a company to disregard a income withholding order for a employee. So I called up to his job and asked for their corp number to speak to someone in regards to the lawsuit I would be filing against their company for back child support they refused to deduct out of his check all this time. I faxed over the income with holding I had received a copy of from 2yrs ago and let them know a new one was on the way. I also faxed copies of my child support issued debit visa card statements showing 0$ balances and the last payment I received from him which was during a period he worked for them. They tried to claim they didn't receive such a order….so I explained to them that for whatever reason they "lost" the order and stop taking it out and I am still owed that money, once its proven they had the order and ignored it. (I have the patience of a snail. I can wait this thing out. The truth will prevail.)

So I have to wait 30 days to give them a chance to investigate and see "what happen" to the child support order they were honoring up until they stopped……moral of the long post is….

There are too many men getting off scott fucking free and are holding jobs. Legit jobs that give them a check and take taxes out. I don't know if there giving good penis or bomb ass head to the HR folks or what, but they (the job) are bound by law to deduct that money. So the far the deadbeats  getting paid "under the table" which for them will backfire (are able to skate) so to speak.  Dumbasses are not planning for the future. Cause we all know, not having social security and taxes took out, because they don't want there checks touched, (translation, they won't want "the man" making them take care their kids, since they can't do it on their own) mean they will grow old and not have 1 penny to help them out in there olden years. Too bad for they dumb asses.

I for one will not sit by and let the shit slide. To the best of my abilty I will continue to advocate for my child support, by any means I can legally. Especially since I cant get it given me in a reasonable fashion on his own. These kids were NOT created because of some strong masturbation. We both made them we both need to provide for them, one way or the other.

~thanks for letting me vent~

Sunday, August 7, 2011

In 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Your Homeless

So if everything goes as planned as of October 1, 2011 retroactive if you have been getting a cash grant thru welfare for 4 years, you will be cut off immediatley. If you have been recieving a cash grant thru welfare off  and on, if the months total up to 4 years you will be cut off. If you have been getting a cash grant off and on OR just started recieving a cash grant your 4 year count down begins.

Now let me say this. Yes there are PLENTY, yes THOUSANDS of folks who "live off the system" and have been doing this for generations. They want no part in making a life for themseleves, or trying to achive a life off the system. They love living off the land so to speak, "milking" the system cause they just dont want to do shit with their lives. YES I know some folk like that now. So for THOSE folks I say your time to be cut off has come and so be it. I have not problem with that. Although in the same breath almost all these folks like that have children to care for. What about them? Its not the kids fault. Shame aint it.

HOWEVER…….*long fucking pause cause IM just errked!* (breaths out, breathes in)……
What the HELL about the families who ARE working?
What about the families who are working but only getting partime hours?
What about the families who are in WORK FIRST / JET ( or whatever type of job assistanst program in their state) that allows them as cash grant, and is TRUELY job hunting? THAT GRANT IS THERE ONLY SOURCE OF INCOME> PERIOD WHILE THEY BE IN COMPLIANCE WITH THE PROGRAM. They come to work first, always dressed in interview clothes for the "just in case"  with resumes and beat the pavement and yet are being turned down left and right? Not turned down because they dont WANT to work but the only hiring position is management, accounting, legal adminatration, bio hazard filter tech ( you get the idea, they jobs are hiring for something they have no experience in) and what they have experience in, IS NOT HIRING at this time.

What about the families who got laid off two years ago and still have not been able to fine steady work because cut backs are REAL. And when you get laid off, applying for assistance is what is the logical thing to do. Foodstamsps alone is NOT enough. They NEED the cash grant. THEY NEED IT AS LONG AS THEY ARE JOB HUNTING AND PROVING THEMSELVES. We cant put a stop date on recession, so how in the hell is it a stop date on people recieving benefits of a cash grant?
What about the DTE, Consumer Energry (light/gas bill) that is due for the families next month?
What about the bus fare to job hunt, to go get groceries, to make doctors appt, to repair there a car if it needs ( and please spare me the bullshit that FIA pay for it…cause yes THEY DO,  HOWEVER ITS ALMOST 2 months getting approval and getting a check back to you to take to the repair shop….in the mean time you out of a car. YES they will give you 1200$ for the purchase of a car and thats a once a lifetime benefit (altho I have heard some say they got more than one car. Well thats not because your special, its because your working didnt do her job. Car help is written in the application book you fill out applying for benefits, and it says ONCE) yet in still a 1200$ wont be without repairs for long. Depending on the cost most folks who get a cash grant can use they monies to fix they car if its minor…but um NO, they cutting the money off.

What about diapers, wipes (not every body cloth diaper and its not a law says they HAVE too, what about when they run outta food toward the end the month like most families do, they need they cash grant to buy some more food before they stamps fall. ( and give me the bullshit about "they shouldnt buy junk food"….NOT ALL FOLK WHO GET WELFARE ASSISTANT buy junk food. STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS unless you have found away to be in EVERYONE  HOUSE  AT  THE  SAME  DAM  TIME  TO  SEE  WHAT  EVERYONE IS  BUYING. I dont wanna hear "welll I know a few folks who I see always wasting they stamps"…SO WHAT! Those FEW you happen to know DONT SPEAK FOR EVERYONE and its not a fair assumption.
What about the RENT that due? What about the kids who have teens who catch the bus the school?
Im my not so humble opinion casue Im going to always speak my mind even if what I say is not shared by many…..this is the WORST thing that could happen to these families that are DESERVING of the assistance. Yes 4 years and more sound long, yes it is, but look at the economy. The economy has NOT improved.

So wait, do they plan to up mim wage by 2-3$ for the families THAT ARE DESERVING, to compensate them losing there cash benefits? …um….NO. *fuck it im done* *throws hands in the air* walks away from cell phone.  (yes im posting from my cell)
All Im trying to say is, with the world of techonology we live in, I KNOW there is some way for whoever to track and remove the ones "milking the system" who are not doing one thing to better themselves. CUT THEY ASSES OFF! Dont ruin everyone!
Also just incase you didnt know, the working families that recive cash assistant, MOST is NOT GETTING A FULL cash grant! You turn in your check stubs and the more you make the more they decrease it down. In Michigan a full cash grant is approx 698$ for a family of 5 (if im wrong on the amount please correct). So if the family brings in 1000$ a month after taxes from say Mc Donalds and FIA does a budget to see what amount of benefits they get, FIA goes on the GROSS which was probly 1200$ they cash grant might be 300$ for the MONTH, 150$ every 2 weeks…now…that brings them back to what they would of orginally took home.
Now lets pay bills FOR A FAMILY OF 5: (Approximately)
RENT 550-650$ DEFINATE 2BD POSSIBLE 3BD (many are living in 2 bdrms using bunk beds to keep lower rent)
UTILITLES 300$ LIGHTS AND HEAT, POSSIBLY WATER (lanlords do HAVE to pay rent in certain states)
Remeber they bring home pay was 1000.00 and the grant was approx 300.00. So that 1300.00$-1200.00$ leaves that family with approx 100.00$ for the month AFTER bills. Thats whole lotta (insert stabby voice) 1 (one) 20.00$  a week for possibly a family outting,  IF THAT…Also food does run out towards the end the month. Even shopping at Aldi, Save a Lot or whatever discount place you use.
Do you get the idea Im trying to give? These dollar amounts can be higher depending where you live and what the cost of living is in your state?
And thats just a approx budget of a family of 5 who works and gets a small cash grant. There are families who are umemployed and just job hunting and ONLY have the 698$ and yet they have ALL THE BILLS  listed above. As you can see they are BARELY surving AND TRYING there best to make ends meet for there family.
Want to know what I see happing when this bill passes?
Kids will go hungry because the parent will SELL THE FOODSTAMPS to pay bills.
Kids will miss school (no gas money for car)  if its not in walking distance or the school bus isnt free to ride. (not all yellow busses are FREE, yes some do charge)
People will miss work cause they cant drive without gas, they cant catch the bus to work either. Cant bum a ride cause that person need gas contriubtion for there gas tank.
People will resort to robbing each other and stealing all sorts of things from there place of work every day survial items. A roll of tissue, a few garbage bags. Some lined or unlined paper so they kids can do there homework. Can you see what Im talking about.

I could go on and on but I tire and Im getting a attiude the more I write about it. Plus my hands are cramping like a b*$ch holding the phone this long. Im also errked at people bashing folks on welfare who are NOT using the system but have the overall HAUGHTY, UPPITY, turned nose up, dont think they cant be visited by the "bad luck fairy" attiude, thinking they are better than everyone because they were blessed to have never fallen down on the road to sucess. I mean just UGH!
Forgive me yall, Im venting and my blog is my space to do do. There Ive said it, feel free to agree or disagree or maybe shed some light on how this is good for EVERYONE. Make me understand how this limit is good for those who are TRYING TO MAKE it and want a job, or want a better job, or who has the job but cant get the hours, or can get the hours, but cant afford the child care CO- PAY if you work past the hours that FIA approve. Its just so much. Imma leave it alone.

25$ cash GIVEAWAY via PayPal

I'm giving away 25$ and a Breastfeeding Sample Goodie Bag!

Up for grabs will be $25.00 issued thru http://paypal to be used as you like on breastfeeding supplies of whatever you want. That of course will be issued in 24 hours of winning.
Then there will be a SAMPLE GOODIE bag with of a varity of breastfeeding items. Such as a simple nursing bracelet, , mother milk tea samples and much more!  This will be mailed out to you.
To enter this Giveaway tell us what you are doing to promote breastfeeding this week. *Simple huh?*  It could simple be, breastfeeding in public. Your pregnant and attending breastfeeding support groups. You helped get your church (or some other place) to be breastfeeding friendly. These are just a few examples of promoting breastfeeding awareness.
Appreciated but NEVER MANDATRY…..
Follow this blog via GFC
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If you should do anyone of the above mentioned, just let me know by leaving a seperate comment for each here on this blog.
*This GiveAway will end Sunday July 7, 2011 midnight! *
When I announce the winner I will then get your email, and PLEASE make sure (mandatory) you have a PAYPAL account so you can receive the 25$. I don't send money thru the mail.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Woman told to get off bus for breast-feeding her baby

Woman told to get off bus for breast-feeding her baby: "A Taylor Michigan woman says a bus driver told her to get off the bus because she was nursing her 2 week old baby." This woman is my good friend Ms. Moon. Im so proud that Ms. Moon stood her ground and was not swayed and or dismayed. I am proud to be here friend and even more proud have bought together more than 100 woman who will be participating in the Michigan Breastfeeding Nurse In at the Oakland County Smart Bus Terminal in Troy Michigan tomorrow moring at 9am. If any of you are near there please come out and help us show the world that breastfeeding is normal and here to stay.