Hybrid Baby (continued)

........she seemed a lil irritated like I may have been buggin her. Had I not been on pain meds her ass would of been cussed the hell out. (I'm just saying) so I brused the vibe off and got in a nap. Muffin woke up hungry like a typical newborn and again struggled at the breast. I was finally given a pump and just in time my breast were starting to hurt. I pumped the liquid gold, as it were...and bottle feed her that. I say this that pumping is not my favorite thing. I straight up felt like a gosh darn cow! I just needed to say mooo! Okay so now its day 3 still no LC.....Can you say FUCKING FRUSTRATED!!..yeah that was me. Muffin's dad, with his bitch ass (yes you Johnnie) was not supportive. He worried about his mouth on my tits....BOY BYE!! NOT!! He haven't laid eyes on these boobages since January, and neva will! (Ooooh, bless my heart that's a whole 'nother blog in itself) back to story.....So now its day 4 andshe still fussing at the breast nipple latching only, mouth not opening wide like she should and yet again more I'm pumping and using formula...I used the formula because I thought my baby was starving with just the lil ounce of colostrum and of since no one was guiding me I went with what I thought was a sound decison. The WIC ladie who came to my room, signed me up asked was I breastfeeding and I said, by the hairs of my chinny chin chin...she laughed it off and said the LC's are backed up and the ladie at WIC office I had been calling for a month has been bogged down, I felt brushed the fuck off AGAIN. So I got my WIC package with Enfamil A.R (it has rice starch in it) and keep it moving, ....shoot, by then I was aggrevated as hell. I got to my discharge class and low and behold it was given by the LC. I said hey ladie, I been asking for you for 4 days.  She said I don't have you on my list. She pulled out a paper asked me my room number and confrimed I wasn't on it. Well ain't that a bitch. I had been asking them stupid as nursed to get her *sidenote* (the nurses I delt with are no reflection on every nurse, I know there are good nurses out there, I jus delt with some asshole...and that's how I feel) I said I want to breastfeed. It was as if a load was off my breast..I mean back. She gave me a quick lesson on the spot 20min before the class started and muffin true to form didn't get it. So she gave me her cell and email and promised to do a home visit later that day but no later than the next day. I felt confident and trusted her word. That next day she (LC) called, she had a family emergency and had to leave town. I was disappointed but for some reason I wasn't mad at her. You know why,.... she didn't brush me off, she told the truth. So two weeks pass and me and Linda (LC) starting meeting up. I meet with her 1hour almost everyday to get us breastfeeding. Yes I was pumping but because I was not pumping regular (reason....single mom, dead of winter with 3 school age kids who went to two different schools and even at week old I was up in the snow getting kids to and from school, making sure there was dinner and clean clothes and assisting with homework, somedays pumping was out the window) and we struggled so much with nursing I believe that why my milk supply dwindled. The visits were tough for awhile. My LC would strap me in the MyBreastFriend (gosh iloved that) and have me take off my shirt, strip Muffin down to her diaper and put her to the breast. My baby enjoyed the closeness of our skin but she was not breastfully happy...*um,nope that might not be a word, but in my blog..it is* My LC would put formula on my breast which help her latch but she would only stay on 2mintues then come off screaming....we did the off and on, for days...yes I practiced at home and I felt glad each time she latched on even for those 5mintues. Over the next week and a half I found BlackMothersBreastfeeding and there peer counsler form the meeting meet with me at home and helped me out. She asked me had I tried a nipple shield. A nipple shield?...I immediatly envisoned a metal contraption across my boobs and muffin wearing the silence of the lambs mask...um don't ask....but I went out and got one from Meijer and tried it and how about them apples...muffin nursed....she nursed 20mintues. Whaaaa.....get outta here....a nipple shield....really?....wow I was geeked up. I went to my next appt with my LC and told her about the nipple shield. She said, I didn't bring up the nipple shield cause those tend to cause added problems when you try to wean them off the sheilds but she was glad I had gotten better at nursing muffin. I felt in 3weeks me and muffin, had did the dam thang, LOL. *sidenote* I did mention to you, I'm not a professional blogger, I write how I'm feeling as it flows.* I continued to pump and was disappointed to only make 4oz between both breast. I see now why not introducing a bottle into a breastfeeding relationship is cruical for your milk supply. So.......you may ask....why not just say be done with breastfeeding if your only making 4oz between both breast......well......I for some reason think muffin may suck more than for 4oz when at my breast....she sometimes has moments were she don't seem satisfied...so I offer her formula and she takes till she full. Then there are times when she cries for the breast...tugging at my shirt and refusing a bottle. Then she burps and a tiny bit of mamas milk comes out. I'm a firm believer in some breast milk is better than none. I still get that tingly feeling when I'm at work and my boobs know muffin is missing in action and on my off days there are no bottles those I end up nursing her almost 8times plus and at night after 7pm there is no bottles on my work days....so I know I'm making milk and making just enough for muffin, regardless that I can't be formula free. So that is the story of my HYBRID BABY.