A lil something-something

Hey, so I finally have started blogging. I read a lot of blogs (I plan to start following some blogs too) and still marvel at how they find the time to keep there blogs going and still keep there household going. *cause some of y'all blog alot*  Well after I sat down and was about to send a tweet to Twitter I said hey, let me blog a little. As I'm typing this from my cell phone I realize I kinda dig this bloggin thang. (Yes, bless ya heart if you follow my blog I am grammer challenged)..... so wow were do I start....Ill start by giving you a lil background...I'm 36 born Jan10. I was raised Jehovah's Witness (never baptized) other wise I would be disfellowshipped cause I would be considered wordly and no one in that religion would be allowed to talk to me, period. My mama whom I am a only child too is distant from me in order to keep her spirtuality as it were. I still love her and she still loves me but we aren't close as we should be and for that reason, if its one religion I'm not very fond of (tho I believe a few of there teaching) I don't ever see me being a member of. *enough of that* Anywhoo...I have 4 wonderful kids whom there dna donors in there lives like a few annoying gnats. I was not in hit or miss relationships with there father. I was. In 6 and 7yr relationships, then BOOM, they got retarded and became deadbeat dads. Raising 4kids as single parent is not easy. I won't even try to pretend. Many days of how, who, what, when, if, maybe, I don't know's... went answered, unanswered, or answered late. I even had a moment in my life were I found myself pregnant with my 3rd child and put the child up for adoption....I didn't really in my hearts of hearts want to do that but at the time I actually thought that was the best decsion. So I actually had handed my child of at the hospital to the new parents and left the hospital empty handed. (I don't know how I recovered from that) The decison to adopt was made under stress and with NO family support. NEVER MAKE SUCH LIFE CHANGING DECISONS ALONE. Well, she was gone for awhile and then I got a call from the lawyer that the offical termination of parental rights paper work was lost. They could not proceed with the interstate adoption until I RESIGNED the papers OR they family would have to bring my baby back IMMEDIATELY. Oh my FUCKING GOD...I was out done...I could not go thru that again. I just feel to the floor and drop the phone, I was a mess. Then I called my family who was LIVID...(like I said don't do life changing things without talking to family it truly does affect everyone) I called my babys father who was PISSED at me for going thru with the adoption, he really didn't want to do it in the first place but he said it was my decison. I instantly thought of the new family who had bonded with there baby and named her and introduced her to her new family...I could only imagine there fear, distress and scard feeling they had of losing there new baby. But I wanted MY baby, I should of NEVER let her go. So decision was made. I called the lawyer and he gave me the time and place to go get my baby. I don't think I have to tell you how devasating the meeting was talking thru tears and packing all the baby stuff up they had bought and let me have. The family hugged me and told me they understood and wished me well. (Godbless them for there strength, they were wonderful people and yes I heard they had a adoption sucess down the road) That experience taught me, that maybe fate knew I didn't want to give up my baby. I have always wondered about how the paper work was "lost". It was sealed and place in the mail before my eyes. I knew when I left that hospital I would never see my baby again. Yet 8yrs later she is here being a pest to her brother and sisters. ;-)Well I guess blogging might be my thing after all, look I've dam near wrote a book. Well if you decide to follow my beware....I am random, off topic, never in order, and funny, and well....jus me.